Many of you may know that I will be in the market to buy a house in next year or two. I've always been drawn to the southern part of New Jersey for reasons I can't quite explain. It's probably due to a combination of things, the main points being: my dad's family is from there; it gets a lot of press in Weird New Jersey magazine; from the pictures I've seen, it's absolutely breathtaking; it's less expensive than here; and William Least Heat Moon wrote about it in Blue Highways.
Other than that, and a day trip to Greenwich in Cumberland County a couple of years ago, I really didn't know about the heart and soul of Cumberland, Salem and Gloucester counties. So, I went onto Craigslist South Jersey "Rants and Raves" and simply asked people who lived there what they thought. The response below (condensed somewhat) was described to me by its author as "not the Chamber of Commerce version, but the truth!":
What's it like?
It ain't good.
Don't come down here expecting to find a job. They're in short supply, and what there is doesn't pay too well. Refer to table three at the following link: http://www.dvrpc.org/data/databull/rdb/db75.htm . You'll see that the percentage of total population living below the poverty level is 15%; for children, it's 20%.
Do you have kids? You don't want them attending public school when 20% of their classmates will be poor. Poor people get mean in a hurry. They can also bring down the quality of a classroom, and no area with these kinds of statistics is attracting a talented pool of teachers. (Disclaimer: I grew up dirt-freakin'-poor, I mean free lunch poor, clothes-never-fit poor, so I know whereof I speak.) We've also got the State's highest infant mortality rate, and the youth don't fare too well either. Per capita income: just over $17,000. There's lots of economic redevelopment projects down here--take that as you like.
Bridgeton, specifically, is a hole and I urge you to stay out of it. Take a cruise down Rt. 77 and look at the plates on the cars: all North Carolina (where you don't need to prove identity to get a license) and Pennsylvania (where it's cheaper to insure and apparently they don't check addresses too closely) tags. Stop and walk the streets--during the daytime, I mean. You'll hear nothing but Spanish. Half the stores have that hateful red-white-green flag outside with signage en Espanol. I know I read a statistic somewhere stating that one in five dollars of income in the city comes from some type of public assistance--welfare, unemployment, social security. By the way, it's the County Seat of Cumberland County.
Millville's broke, but it's got a stellar annual Airshow and they just built a new shopping center. An elderly woman was robbed in her garage last week as she pulled in to park her car. She was knocked to the ground and struck her head. The suspect is still on the loose.
The big local newspaper is the Vineland Daily Journal. Read it, check the forums, see what the locals have to say.
Cumberland County houses virtually all of the State's jails. If you can cut it as a prison guard, you'll enjoy it down here. If not, you'll have to put up with society's detritus--the folks who get released from jail but can't afford a bus ticket back up North. They find a job pumping gas and an abandoned car they can sleep in and bide their time until they fall back into recidivism, and back into jail. There's a lot of Superfund sites down here, and we're not too far from the balky Salem Nuclear Power Plant.
The State Police patrols much of the County. In many places, they are the only police presence. In most cases, it'll be a wait if you need 'em.
An important fact for North Jerseyans: there is NO, I repeat, NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION HERE. If you don't have a license, stay where you are. If you don't have a car, stay where you are. If you come down here and have neither of these things and no job, you may find yourself trapped! You've gotta drive everywhere, and gas is expensive.
Housing was once affordable. No more. Everything's $250,000, and since the local economy doesn't support that kind of expense, the builders are advertising the area to denizens of Cherry Hill.
I don't know Salem, but I've heard it's worse. And of course, Camden is legendary.
You might be okay toward Williamstown, or Thorofare / Deptford. You'll probably feel at home in West Deptford. Look at Swedesboro, too, I think. There's a good bit of employment there in places (Pureland Industrial Park especially).
Anyway, that's all I've got to say. Good luck to ya, buddy.
Mmmm, don't think I'll be rushing to move down there any time soon. Boy, has it changed from the day of grandma and grandpa.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sounds About Right to Me
Martta: At age 101 you will perish under strange circumstances involving a gallon of lotion, two nine volt batteries, and a photograph of a bicycle.
http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php
http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php
When Did We Become So Child-centric?
All this Mommy and Daddy blog talk got me to thinking: When did American society become so child-centric?
I ask this not to be facetious but I genuinely want to know.
I was born in 1957 and while having kids was a way of life for my parents and their friends, we didn't seem to be the center of everyone's universe, at least from my perspective. Yes, they spent time with us, did kid things with us, attended our school plays, sporting events and whatnot but they also did adult things with their adult friends, no kids allowed.
Every Saturday night, my parents would go out, sometimes alone, sometimes with another couple and I was left home with a sitter. I actually looked forward to Saturday nights because I got to stay up and play cards (Canasta!)with the sitter or watch Ed Sullivan, drink tea with honey (only one cup was allowed), and eat a Swanson fried chicken TV dinner. Yes, having a TV dinner was a real treat to me when I was 9 or 10. Who can forget the scrumptious, greasy fried chicken, the mashed potatoes that you could remove from its compartment with one fell swoop of the fork, and the gelatinous, but tasty, apple cobbler? God, I lived for Saturday nights.
But I digress. Today, you see kids EVERYWHERE you don't want to see them: at R-rated movies, at the racetrack at midnight, at bars, at fancy restaurants, even at adult-themed parties. God forbid these parents should hire a sitter for one lousy night.
And, it's no wonder that the majority of my current crop of friends are childfree. That's because even on the rare occasion when the kids are left at home with a sitter, the conversation ultimately turns to toilet training, breastfeeding, Mommy and Me classes and sippy cups. Sorry, but life is short and my brain has better things to do. Many of these folks were really cool people before they had kids; it's almost as if the cool part of their brains got discarded with the placenta.
But to me, the telling factor that children have surely taken over the universe is the homes in which they live. That's right, walk into almost any house with kids today and you'll know right away who wears the plastic-lined pants in the family. The house will be strewn with kindercrap, not just in the child's room or playroom but in the living room, the dining room, the kitchen and even the parents' bedroom. All kinds of cheap, plastic, made-in-China crap guaranteed to hold a child's attention for two minutes tops.
When I was a child, my toys had to be picked up and returned to my bedroom or the playroom when I was finished playing with them. I certainly was not allowed to leave them all over the house or on the furniture. I remember crying because our dog at the time had chewed up one of my favorite dolls that I left in the living room. My mother had no sympathy for me, telling me that if the doll had been put away on the shelf in my room, this would not have happened.
But getting back to my original question: When did we become so child-centric? In my opinion, I think it happened sometime after World War II. In the years following the war, people had more disposable income and more imporatntly, more leisure time. Leisure time was almost unheard of when my grandparents were raising families. You worked, came home to eat dinner, listened to the radio, read the paper, went to bed, and got up the next day to do the same damn thing all over again. Vacations were only for wealthy folks.
In post-war middle-class families, more moms stayed home and could, therefore, spend more time with their kids. Once or twice a year, most familes took vacations together. Naturally, since parents gradually began to spend more and more time at home with their kids, a cottage industry grew out of it. Advertisers began marketing directly to kids so that said kids would pester Mom and Dad incessantly until they caved in and bought whatever cheap, imported, plastic bauble or sugar-encrusted cereal they wanted.
Also, for the first time in history, it was no longer a scandal to get a divorce. So, you had more divorced parents, split households and a lot more guilt. The guilty parties would then overcompensate for their perceived failures not just with material excesses but with time as well. Spending more time with your kids is not a bad thing, mind you, but more and more parents began to involve their kids in their own lives, dragging them everywhere, even to places once considered oases for adults.
Call me what you want but I kind of like the phrase, "Children should be seen and not heard." I should not be hearing them in upscale dining establishments unless they can sit quietly and cut their own meat. I should not seeing OR hearing them cry out in R-rated movies or at a bar or a museum (unless it's a kiddie exhibit).
To parapharse the old American Express ad that stated, "Don't leave home without it," my message to these kid-centric parents is "Do leave home without 'em"--at least once in a awhile.
I ask this not to be facetious but I genuinely want to know.
I was born in 1957 and while having kids was a way of life for my parents and their friends, we didn't seem to be the center of everyone's universe, at least from my perspective. Yes, they spent time with us, did kid things with us, attended our school plays, sporting events and whatnot but they also did adult things with their adult friends, no kids allowed.
Every Saturday night, my parents would go out, sometimes alone, sometimes with another couple and I was left home with a sitter. I actually looked forward to Saturday nights because I got to stay up and play cards (Canasta!)with the sitter or watch Ed Sullivan, drink tea with honey (only one cup was allowed), and eat a Swanson fried chicken TV dinner. Yes, having a TV dinner was a real treat to me when I was 9 or 10. Who can forget the scrumptious, greasy fried chicken, the mashed potatoes that you could remove from its compartment with one fell swoop of the fork, and the gelatinous, but tasty, apple cobbler? God, I lived for Saturday nights.
But I digress. Today, you see kids EVERYWHERE you don't want to see them: at R-rated movies, at the racetrack at midnight, at bars, at fancy restaurants, even at adult-themed parties. God forbid these parents should hire a sitter for one lousy night.
And, it's no wonder that the majority of my current crop of friends are childfree. That's because even on the rare occasion when the kids are left at home with a sitter, the conversation ultimately turns to toilet training, breastfeeding, Mommy and Me classes and sippy cups. Sorry, but life is short and my brain has better things to do. Many of these folks were really cool people before they had kids; it's almost as if the cool part of their brains got discarded with the placenta.
But to me, the telling factor that children have surely taken over the universe is the homes in which they live. That's right, walk into almost any house with kids today and you'll know right away who wears the plastic-lined pants in the family. The house will be strewn with kindercrap, not just in the child's room or playroom but in the living room, the dining room, the kitchen and even the parents' bedroom. All kinds of cheap, plastic, made-in-China crap guaranteed to hold a child's attention for two minutes tops.
When I was a child, my toys had to be picked up and returned to my bedroom or the playroom when I was finished playing with them. I certainly was not allowed to leave them all over the house or on the furniture. I remember crying because our dog at the time had chewed up one of my favorite dolls that I left in the living room. My mother had no sympathy for me, telling me that if the doll had been put away on the shelf in my room, this would not have happened.
But getting back to my original question: When did we become so child-centric? In my opinion, I think it happened sometime after World War II. In the years following the war, people had more disposable income and more imporatntly, more leisure time. Leisure time was almost unheard of when my grandparents were raising families. You worked, came home to eat dinner, listened to the radio, read the paper, went to bed, and got up the next day to do the same damn thing all over again. Vacations were only for wealthy folks.
In post-war middle-class families, more moms stayed home and could, therefore, spend more time with their kids. Once or twice a year, most familes took vacations together. Naturally, since parents gradually began to spend more and more time at home with their kids, a cottage industry grew out of it. Advertisers began marketing directly to kids so that said kids would pester Mom and Dad incessantly until they caved in and bought whatever cheap, imported, plastic bauble or sugar-encrusted cereal they wanted.
Also, for the first time in history, it was no longer a scandal to get a divorce. So, you had more divorced parents, split households and a lot more guilt. The guilty parties would then overcompensate for their perceived failures not just with material excesses but with time as well. Spending more time with your kids is not a bad thing, mind you, but more and more parents began to involve their kids in their own lives, dragging them everywhere, even to places once considered oases for adults.
Call me what you want but I kind of like the phrase, "Children should be seen and not heard." I should not be hearing them in upscale dining establishments unless they can sit quietly and cut their own meat. I should not seeing OR hearing them cry out in R-rated movies or at a bar or a museum (unless it's a kiddie exhibit).
To parapharse the old American Express ad that stated, "Don't leave home without it," my message to these kid-centric parents is "Do leave home without 'em"--at least once in a awhile.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Laughing on the Outside, Crying on the Inside
From the Associated Press Medical Desk:
"DIET: Thin People May Be Fat Inside"
I'm waiting for the study that states: "Poor People May Be Rich Inside."
"DIET: Thin People May Be Fat Inside"
I'm waiting for the study that states: "Poor People May Be Rich Inside."
Thursday, May 10, 2007
5 Questions
This meme was passed on to me from MauiGirl, whose link I've added to this blog:
1. What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
Very good question, indeed. Originally, I was going to create a blog that was sort of a diary of my running/fitness pursuits. But, if that's all I wrote about, think it would be pretty boring to non-runners/fitness buffs. So now I only mention it when I've run a race particularly well, won an award, or achieved some other goal.
I thought about a political blog but there are soooooo many of them out there. I'd be competing with people like Michelle Malkin and Andrew Sullivan. Not a good idea.
So, basically, through no fault of my own, this blog has become the Everything to Everyone Blog. Do I like that fact? Not really. But I have yet to be inspired as to what I want this blog to become.
A while back, a friend told me to walk into a bookstore and let a book pick YOU, not the other way around. I hope I have the same experience with my blog.
2. Are you a spiritual person?
Yes, I am. I do believe in a higher power. That being said, I don't adhere to any organized religion. Too many man-made restrictions. I know I may get flamed for this but I really don't think that God intended for man not to eat certain foods (well, maybe transfats), wear certain materials, or give up other earthly pleasures. My God also does not discriminate against women. He created them, after all!
Basically, my God wants me to treat other people well, be charitable (not just with money) and to find love in the world.
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you want to have with you?
A book on survival, a fishing pole, a good sunscreen!
4. What's your favorite childhood memory?
Having my extended family together for the holidays. I got a feeling of security from that.
5. Is this your first meme? Yes, it is!
1. What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
Very good question, indeed. Originally, I was going to create a blog that was sort of a diary of my running/fitness pursuits. But, if that's all I wrote about, think it would be pretty boring to non-runners/fitness buffs. So now I only mention it when I've run a race particularly well, won an award, or achieved some other goal.
I thought about a political blog but there are soooooo many of them out there. I'd be competing with people like Michelle Malkin and Andrew Sullivan. Not a good idea.
So, basically, through no fault of my own, this blog has become the Everything to Everyone Blog. Do I like that fact? Not really. But I have yet to be inspired as to what I want this blog to become.
A while back, a friend told me to walk into a bookstore and let a book pick YOU, not the other way around. I hope I have the same experience with my blog.
2. Are you a spiritual person?
Yes, I am. I do believe in a higher power. That being said, I don't adhere to any organized religion. Too many man-made restrictions. I know I may get flamed for this but I really don't think that God intended for man not to eat certain foods (well, maybe transfats), wear certain materials, or give up other earthly pleasures. My God also does not discriminate against women. He created them, after all!
Basically, my God wants me to treat other people well, be charitable (not just with money) and to find love in the world.
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what three things would you want to have with you?
A book on survival, a fishing pole, a good sunscreen!
4. What's your favorite childhood memory?
Having my extended family together for the holidays. I got a feeling of security from that.
5. Is this your first meme? Yes, it is!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Games Mommies Play
When I was in junior high, we had a Book Fair at our school every year where you could basically purchase books that were outside of the school curriculum. Since I was and still am an avid reader, I looked forward to the Book Fair and always went home with about five new purchases.
I still have many of those books but the one that STILL makes me laugh was a delightful little book called, Games Christians Play: An Irreverant Guide to Religion Without Tears, by Judi Culbertson and Patti Bard (1967: Harper & Row, NYC). Yes, the pages are yellowed and the glue from the binding has long dried up but it's still a classic. Here's a sampling of some of the chapter titles:
Holding the Fort Against Heresy
What to Do When You Know More Than the Minister
Instant Status Games
Included in the last one, there's a section called, "My Bible's More Underlined Than Yours."
I bring this up because today we have a new type of evangelism that is sweeping the nation. No, it's not a religion but its fervor might certainly be compared to one. It's called Mommyism or Mommy-anity, take your pick.
Simply put, if I hear about one more web site or TV show devoted to Alpha Moms (I STILL don't know what that term really means), I'm gonna barf.
Instead of "My Bible Is More Underlined Than Yours," the underlying message of many of these web sites is:
My Child Is Brighter Than Yours
My Child Is Prettier Than Yours
My Child Dresses Better Than Yours
My Child's Nanny Is Better Than Yours
My Child Goes to a Better School Than Yours
Hey, I'm Just a Better Mommy Than You'll Ever Be, So Just Go Stick Your Head in the Oven Right Now and We'll Call It a Day!
You get my drift.
But getting back to the concept of the Alpha Mom: What the hell IS that? I know what the Alpha Male Gorilla is (he's the one that gets to screw all the Alpha Female Gorillas) and even the Alpha Girl Teenager (she's usually the meanest girl in school) and the Alpha Boy Teenager (usually a jock who gets all the girls).
By designating herself as the Alpha Mom, this mommy is saying that she's a better mommy than you and you might as well suck it up now. She's the Internet version of the old playground Yenta Mom or Buttinsky Mom who ALWAYS has a better way of doing things, "Why do you give your daughter Brand X juice? Don't you know that Brand Y is better for her?" or "Your kid didn't get into Montessori? Shame!" You know the type.
My own mother certainly knew the type and would have very little to do with them and would laugh behind their backs.
My mom was a great mom, before the term Alpha Mom was coined. Unfortunately, she passed away in 1992 and so Mother's Day is always a little sad for me.
She didn't have Internet access (she didn't even have a college degree but was one of the smartest people I've ever known) but she knew what to do when one of us got the flu, a fever or a bad tummyache. There was no "Alpha Mom TV" back then but my mom somehow instilled in us the drive to do our best in school, in sporting activities, and with creative outlets.
She also knew when we were lying or bullshitting her and would not let us get away with it. We learned at an early age that our actions had consequences.
My mom, like many moms since the dawn of time, would occasionally compare notes on childrearing over coffee with my aunts or other moms in the neighborhood. No one thought this was worthy of media attention or a full-length feature in The New York Times.
So, why is it now? Why are there so many Mommy (or Daddy as the case may be) blogs? NEWS FLASH: Your kid's teething is not that unusual. Your kid throwing up is not only not unusual, it's gross and I don't need to be reading about it over my morning coffee. Ditto for pooping!
Two years ago, I found a wonderful bumper sticker for times like this. I bought two actually, one is at work and one is on the shelf in my home office. It reads, "My Labrador Retriever Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student."
Take that, Alpha Moms!
I still have many of those books but the one that STILL makes me laugh was a delightful little book called, Games Christians Play: An Irreverant Guide to Religion Without Tears, by Judi Culbertson and Patti Bard (1967: Harper & Row, NYC). Yes, the pages are yellowed and the glue from the binding has long dried up but it's still a classic. Here's a sampling of some of the chapter titles:
Holding the Fort Against Heresy
What to Do When You Know More Than the Minister
Instant Status Games
Included in the last one, there's a section called, "My Bible's More Underlined Than Yours."
I bring this up because today we have a new type of evangelism that is sweeping the nation. No, it's not a religion but its fervor might certainly be compared to one. It's called Mommyism or Mommy-anity, take your pick.
Simply put, if I hear about one more web site or TV show devoted to Alpha Moms (I STILL don't know what that term really means), I'm gonna barf.
Instead of "My Bible Is More Underlined Than Yours," the underlying message of many of these web sites is:
My Child Is Brighter Than Yours
My Child Is Prettier Than Yours
My Child Dresses Better Than Yours
My Child's Nanny Is Better Than Yours
My Child Goes to a Better School Than Yours
Hey, I'm Just a Better Mommy Than You'll Ever Be, So Just Go Stick Your Head in the Oven Right Now and We'll Call It a Day!
You get my drift.
But getting back to the concept of the Alpha Mom: What the hell IS that? I know what the Alpha Male Gorilla is (he's the one that gets to screw all the Alpha Female Gorillas) and even the Alpha Girl Teenager (she's usually the meanest girl in school) and the Alpha Boy Teenager (usually a jock who gets all the girls).
By designating herself as the Alpha Mom, this mommy is saying that she's a better mommy than you and you might as well suck it up now. She's the Internet version of the old playground Yenta Mom or Buttinsky Mom who ALWAYS has a better way of doing things, "Why do you give your daughter Brand X juice? Don't you know that Brand Y is better for her?" or "Your kid didn't get into Montessori? Shame!" You know the type.
My own mother certainly knew the type and would have very little to do with them and would laugh behind their backs.
My mom was a great mom, before the term Alpha Mom was coined. Unfortunately, she passed away in 1992 and so Mother's Day is always a little sad for me.
She didn't have Internet access (she didn't even have a college degree but was one of the smartest people I've ever known) but she knew what to do when one of us got the flu, a fever or a bad tummyache. There was no "Alpha Mom TV" back then but my mom somehow instilled in us the drive to do our best in school, in sporting activities, and with creative outlets.
She also knew when we were lying or bullshitting her and would not let us get away with it. We learned at an early age that our actions had consequences.
My mom, like many moms since the dawn of time, would occasionally compare notes on childrearing over coffee with my aunts or other moms in the neighborhood. No one thought this was worthy of media attention or a full-length feature in The New York Times.
So, why is it now? Why are there so many Mommy (or Daddy as the case may be) blogs? NEWS FLASH: Your kid's teething is not that unusual. Your kid throwing up is not only not unusual, it's gross and I don't need to be reading about it over my morning coffee. Ditto for pooping!
Two years ago, I found a wonderful bumper sticker for times like this. I bought two actually, one is at work and one is on the shelf in my home office. It reads, "My Labrador Retriever Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student."
Take that, Alpha Moms!
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