Realty Reality Check

Yes, the Happy House Hunting has begun and I've learned a few things this weekend:

1. Pictures lie.
2. Listing Realtors often lie.
3. Anything under $400,000 in suburban Essex County is either a fixer-upper or very small.

My Realtor (who is also a running pal of mine) warned me about this, telling me that I wasn't going to find something really nice for under $400,000, at least not right now. Things may change in a few months as prices continue to stabilize or drop. I thought she was exaggerating. How bad can they be?, I mused.

Pretty bad. House #1 we looked at was in Little Falls (LF), part of Passaic County where taxes are a mite lower. I am still familiarizing myself with LF so I had to do a Mapquest search to see where this particular house was located. Turns out it was near both Route 46 and the Passaic River. NOT a good omen.

From the outside, the house looked OK: well cared for, nice front porch (we both LOVE porches). The street didn't really knock our socks off (it was down the street from some sort of gated foundry, ugh). But we were there, let's start the tour.

The listing said that the house needed a new kitchen. What it failed to mention was that the house need "A" kitchen. That's right: this house had NO kitchen but a room with a stove and a separate tiny room with a sink. A few cabinets were scattered about but to call this a kitchen would be a stretch. Plus, it was carpeted. Yucky-poo. Why the F would you carpet a kitchen?

The rest of the house was rather ramshackle, in need of mucho work. There were indications that some the ceilings had leaked at one time.

The unfinished basement had to be designed by midgets. I am 5'2" and my head almost grazed the ceiling. There was no way to raise it; it would have to be used strictly for storage. Not for us.

House #2 was in Verona and also needed mucho work, every room. How can someone who owns a home let it go to seed like that? I could never understand it. It's your friggin' investment for crying out loud!

I guess if someone was very handy and had a lot of time and money to kill, they could make this a somewhat decent place to live. Still, I see a price reduction in its future.

House #3, also in Verona, was adorable but very small (2BR). Perfect, however, for a single gal or guy who doesn't want to do the condo route. Nice quiet street. But those taxes? Ouch! Over $5,000 on 2BR house? You gotta be shittin' me!

House #4, in Verona as well. The Realtor gushed on and one about this one, saying that we MUST see it, it's in a better neighborhood, blah-blah-blah, only needs cosmetic work. The minute we saw it from the outside, we know it we weren't going to like it. It was part of a (yuck) development, Verona's answer to Long Island's Levittown. Very boxy, no porch, not even a portico. Boring, boxy layout inside, horrible ceilings (looks like structural damage), disgusting wall-to-wall carpet buckling in places. Very depressing.

So, there you have it. Week one of house hunting. What I've learned from all this is that I will have to go up in price a bit. The bottom line is that I am either going to spend the money on fixing up a handyman's special or on buying a house that's a mite pricier but has less things to fix up. I vote for the second option. We don't mind doing some cosmetic work but when it comes to structural stuff, no way. Plus there's always room for negotiation, especially in this market.

Next weekend: the Caldwells.